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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After my kayaking adventure, I’m starving again. I hit up a little taverna on Rua da Praça. The food there is bomb! I order some grilled sardines. They come out sizzling, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m in heaven again.

Firefighters League wants “independent investigation” into accident that killed 38-year-old firefighter